Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Depression and the Stay at Home Mom

I have been a stay at home mom almost two months. Overall it has been a really good experience. I love the time I am spending with my girls. However, I have found myself falling into a depression.

It has been a really tough month. We have had a lot of expenses come up, that have blown our budget out of the water. So it is hard to determine if I am depressed or super stressed. Hubby thinks it is both.

I got an email from him today saying that he thinks I need to get out of the house. Yes, that is true. I HAVE to get out of the house. It is not enough to go to the pool every day, or get my adult interaction online. I have to get out and talk to people that are not my kids or even my husband.

When my husband comes home all he talks about is his work. Who said what, what he accomplished, what accolades he got from his boss. While this is communication, it is not the form of communication I need or want. All it does is make me feel more isolated.

When I was working I talked with my co-workers throughout the day. It wasn't always about work or the kids. I want more of that without having to work full-time.

I am yearning to go back to school. I was originally intending on staying home with the girls this summer, then when my oldest went to school in the fall, I would find a part time job to save up to go back to school. Then I would start back to school after the Holidays. Now I am thinking I will find a part time (evening/weekend) job sooner rather than later.

I was also going to go to school online (to obtain my teaching certificate). Now I am pretty sure I will attend a traditional university, so that I have that much needed interaction. It will be more expensive to go to a traditional university, but I think in the end, it is really what I want and need to do. The main thing is, is that I cash-flow school. No more student loans for me. I refuse to do that again.

All of this stuff is going to take time, so in the meantime, I have signed up for Bountiful Baskets again. Last winter I did it for awhile, but I drifted away from it. Now that I am going back to it, I thought I would volunteer every Saturday for an hour or two. This will be a great way for me to feel like I am doing something non-mommy related. It is also a great way to get some fresh produce for less money than at a grocery store.

I have also reached out to a local "mommy" group, to see if they are still active. If not, I think I will advertise and start my own. It is a lot of work, so I would rather join one, than start one. I have heard that these groups can be both wonderful and horrible. So we shall see what my experience is like.

This fall I am also signing up my oldest for Girl Scouts. This should be another way for me to get involved and "have a life". It is also a great way for us to do fun things that are subsidized by the group. Last year they went to Legoland for $5. They have camping and other fun things. I was never part of Girl Scouts when I was young, so this should be interesting.

To solve the other problem (financial) I have been having, we are going back to a strict budget. It is not that we have "overspent", it is that things have come up that have depleeted our savings. We need to be on a strict budget in order to build it back up again. I will be doing all I can to cut expenses and save save save.

Wish me luck in conquering the funk I am in. The house needs to be cleaned and I cannot find the energy to do so...depression sucks. You want to do stuff, but you just can't. I will have to force myself. One thing is for sure, I have to do it. No one can do it for me.