Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Life is too short...

I have a coworker who lost her son about a month back, in a car accident. It was the day before her son and daughter-in-law had planned on telling her that they were expecting their first baby. He was 21. It brought back memories of when my brother fell ill suddenly and passed away a few weeks short of his 21st birthday. Recently, my father had a stroke. We almost lost him. I refuse to live another day with work as my focus, there are more important things. You just never know what will happen tomorrow.

During the past year, I was in such survival mode, that I wasn't paying attention to the life that was passing me by. My dreams were pushed down and I plunged myself into work. I ended up missing a lot of my children's lives. I felt that I had no other choice. Reflecting on things, I realize we always have a choice.

My husband and I worked really hard to have the family we have. It took two years of fertility treatments to get our first daughter and an additional four years to have our second daughter. The financial toll it took could have been a pretty darn good deposit on a house. While I wish things had been easier, I would do it all again if it brought me these girls.

Lately though, I have felt like a horrible mother. I haven't been able to do all the things I want to do for the girls. I have wanted to take them on their school field trips. I have wanted to be there to help them with homework. I had to rely on my husband for so much. While he was great at it, I resented that it wasn't me at home. I would say to myself every day, "that should be me taking care of Bekah". "That should be me giving the girls a bath". So many "that should be's".

I am taking my life back. I am taking steps to accomplish the goals I have wanted to do for so long. I will be off summers to be with the girls. This will allow me to travel to see family. I will be able to enjoy the holidays. No longer will work be my world. I have a world that is so much more important to me, the world of my girls.

I guess I want you to take away from this is that life is too short. If you want to do something, do it NOW. You do not know what tomorrow will bring. Take a step today. Don't wait.